I flew in from amarillo on Tuesday night and came home to a house that I am still not sure is my house. It's just so much more fun and, well, functional than the house I left. Not a crisis in sight. There were stacks of folded clean laundry in the living room, and no pile of dishes in the sink. The kitchen may not have been clean by my mom's standards, but by our house's experience, it was almost immaculate! Joel was cooking bacon in the kitchen (yum!) and Rashad was cuddling with Henna on the sofa as she wound down with a movie. Brian and Aimee and Emersyn were peacefully asleep. It was kind of freaky. Before falling into bed, I touched base with Joel and Rashad about goals for the next day. Then they headed out to walk both dogs. Ah yes, a new dog in the house, a calm and adorable chihuahua.
Wednesday morning, Others got up to let me rest in a little. In fact, by the time I got up--which I don't think was that late--Joel was already out doing yardwork for a neighbor who had hired him. And Rashad was in the kitchen, cooking up an egg concoction. Later, he went out to help Joel, so they got the work finished. They want to line up some more yards in the neighborhood.
I got into work with time to do extra prep and then had great classes. After class, Paul and Brie picked me up to go to Backbeat Cafe for great music at Trinity Arts Live. When we got home, there was baked salmon and a fancy veggie dish waiting for us. Paul said it was delicious, but I had to wait and have mine for lunch today because I was too tired to chew. Joel was headed out for a walk with little dog and others were settled or settling in peacefully. I could get used to living in a house where things get done and people are nice and good food is served. I can identify several possible causes for this lovely state, but I suspect it is a combination of those and others I can't identify. Mostly I suspect it's grace.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Unsilence post-Lent
Well, apparently the unsilence will continue. I'm hopeful that it will involve less yelling. I yelled at people 3 times during Lent, which is more than I have yelled in the last 10 years put together. But I've come to believe that my silence was in its own way a sin, and you really aren't supposed to pick your sins up again when Lent is over!
As a kick-off for continuing unsilence, I ended up somewhat in the role of family spokesperson during my grandmother's death and funeral this past week. She was 99 years old, had lived a full and serving life and made lots of people laugh. As my African students said, "Oh! 'Tis such a blessing!" Her last little bit was not a high quality of life and we are joyful that she has moved on to her mansion. I cannot possibly say enough good things about The Arbors in Amarillo where she lived for the last few years. What a gracious and loving staff. They were all in and out of her room frequently for the last week just to tell her they loved her, and as soon as her spirit left us, her room was filled with tearful nurses, aides, and others. It is humbling to realize that on a day-to-day basis, that staff will experience her loss more painfully and frequently than I will.
It felt a bit strange to be the one answering questions and making choices and speaking at gatherings since I have always felt like the odd-cousin-out. But Grandma and I bonded a lot when I was in college and beginning to date since she was also beginning to date after almost 20 years of widowhood. And the fact is that I was the one who was able to be there to step up alongside my dad during those few days. I will always be grateful that God --and my most excellent husband-- allowed that. It was a joy to remember and honor so much good and so much fun, and it was also a delight to meet one cousin I had never met!
As a kick-off for continuing unsilence, I ended up somewhat in the role of family spokesperson during my grandmother's death and funeral this past week. She was 99 years old, had lived a full and serving life and made lots of people laugh. As my African students said, "Oh! 'Tis such a blessing!" Her last little bit was not a high quality of life and we are joyful that she has moved on to her mansion. I cannot possibly say enough good things about The Arbors in Amarillo where she lived for the last few years. What a gracious and loving staff. They were all in and out of her room frequently for the last week just to tell her they loved her, and as soon as her spirit left us, her room was filled with tearful nurses, aides, and others. It is humbling to realize that on a day-to-day basis, that staff will experience her loss more painfully and frequently than I will.
It felt a bit strange to be the one answering questions and making choices and speaking at gatherings since I have always felt like the odd-cousin-out. But Grandma and I bonded a lot when I was in college and beginning to date since she was also beginning to date after almost 20 years of widowhood. And the fact is that I was the one who was able to be there to step up alongside my dad during those few days. I will always be grateful that God --and my most excellent husband-- allowed that. It was a joy to remember and honor so much good and so much fun, and it was also a delight to meet one cousin I had never met!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
And it goes on
So I gave up on getting a lot done yesterday since I really had to be able to show up to teach my classes last night and had to leave at 3 to catch the bus downtown. But I was highly cranky while I was at home. anyway, Paul took an earlier flight that was supposed to get in around 7 but due to thunderstorms actually got in closer to 11. I had planned for Andrea to pick Paul up at DFW then pick me up from work about 8:30 then all head home. So I waited a bit at El Centro, found out he was supposed to get in at 9:40, arranged for Andrea to come get me and take me back to DFW to get Paul, found out that Andrea was stuck at DFW because the car was on empty and he had no cash, called around a bit without locating a ride home, found out the flight was delayed again and figured El Centro would get locked up, lost my last change trying to get a get a drink out of a machine, walked in the rain to catch the bus and overpaid to take the bus ( no change!), was relieved that the rain had stopped for my walk home from the bus, and got home about ten minutes before Paul did. Gratefully, I walked into a living room that I was not sure was ours--Brian and Joel did some amazing cleaning in the living room and kitchen while I was gone. Brian overdid it and can barely move today though.:(
But PAUL IS HOME!!!!!
I still need to do floors and will jump into that soon. First, cute Em story of the day: I of course wanted to linger in bed and she did not want to linger in her crib this morning. She asked to get out. I changed her diaper and set her up with milk, bread and this cool creation book that has flannelboard like stuff to put the animals on inside. Fine for a while. then she stood up and said, "Done" in words and sign language. I explained, Oh, but see if you're finished reading that book, you can take all the stuff out of the cool pocket on the front and pput it back in again and take it back out again--that will be so much fun!" She looked at me for a minute, then looked down and lifted her shirt. She --still standing in her crib--started checking her pants for pockets and actually turned in a circle like a dog chasing its tail. Then she shook her head and said, "No ma'am. No pockets." She makes it really hard not to smile.
But PAUL IS HOME!!!!!
I still need to do floors and will jump into that soon. First, cute Em story of the day: I of course wanted to linger in bed and she did not want to linger in her crib this morning. She asked to get out. I changed her diaper and set her up with milk, bread and this cool creation book that has flannelboard like stuff to put the animals on inside. Fine for a while. then she stood up and said, "Done" in words and sign language. I explained, Oh, but see if you're finished reading that book, you can take all the stuff out of the cool pocket on the front and pput it back in again and take it back out again--that will be so much fun!" She looked at me for a minute, then looked down and lifted her shirt. She --still standing in her crib--started checking her pants for pockets and actually turned in a circle like a dog chasing its tail. Then she shook her head and said, "No ma'am. No pockets." She makes it really hard not to smile.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Managers of Their Catastrophes
Yes, Managers of Their catastrophes--That's the book Brianna and I want to see. Schedule thing blown for today. While we were at homeschool co-op yesterday--on schedule--the toilet at our house got clogged and flooded. The bathroom, the hall, the big girls' room, the kitchen--all apparently an inch or so deep. It only stopped there because Andrea happened to come in from the back and found it. With efforts from Andrea, Aimee, Mike, and Gary (and Paul via cellphone in South Carolina), water was turned off and lots of towels were put down and some stuff was lifted out of the water. Obviously there was a lot to do when we got home. First was trying to work through some of the emotional flooding that the event brought on for people who were around. And the repercussions thereof.(Brian managed to unclog the toilet around 10 last night, I managed to clog it again around 3 in the morning, he managed to unclog it again around 9 this morning . . . )
I got the bathroom floor mopped and really most of the bathroom scrubbed up and some ruined papers and magazines and such thrown out. Then I got the floor in the girls' room dried and mopped, all the dividing draperies they use piled into the huge mound of wet and dirty laundry, and helped Brianna go through all the stuff under her bed to see what was ruined. Thanks to her amazing organized underbed storage--(i know--Whose kid is she?)--very little was damaged. She just had to change out some containers and dry off others. All of the yarn for her knitting project got soaked and went to the trash though. Bummer. I put through about four loads of towels.
Then I was pretty much done in by a coughing spell and ate something and tried to rest for the night, not successfully of course. So today--mopping all the other floors and continuing to push laundry through. Although there is not a pathway evident for the water to have gone there, it also accumulated in the corner behind the piano where a lot of Henna's bedding and stuffed animals were. So moving the piano today too.
Did I mention that both little girls had multiple vaccinations yesterday and are thus--particularly Em--feverish and achy and cranky. Em would be better if I just sat and held her, but that's obviously not happening.
Don't even feel physically capable of walking through the house really--so tired.
So --manage that, somebody. Please.
I got the bathroom floor mopped and really most of the bathroom scrubbed up and some ruined papers and magazines and such thrown out. Then I got the floor in the girls' room dried and mopped, all the dividing draperies they use piled into the huge mound of wet and dirty laundry, and helped Brianna go through all the stuff under her bed to see what was ruined. Thanks to her amazing organized underbed storage--(i know--Whose kid is she?)--very little was damaged. She just had to change out some containers and dry off others. All of the yarn for her knitting project got soaked and went to the trash though. Bummer. I put through about four loads of towels.
Then I was pretty much done in by a coughing spell and ate something and tried to rest for the night, not successfully of course. So today--mopping all the other floors and continuing to push laundry through. Although there is not a pathway evident for the water to have gone there, it also accumulated in the corner behind the piano where a lot of Henna's bedding and stuffed animals were. So moving the piano today too.
Did I mention that both little girls had multiple vaccinations yesterday and are thus--particularly Em--feverish and achy and cranky. Em would be better if I just sat and held her, but that's obviously not happening.
Don't even feel physically capable of walking through the house really--so tired.
So --manage that, somebody. Please.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Not easy
I really have been trying to not be silent, to blog, to have conversations, to communicate, but it has been a struggle. As someone said, "Darn. I should have just given up chocolate." :) My allergies have gone crazy the past ten days. I am up a lot during the night trying to either breathe or just stop the cough for a while, so I am fuzzy-brained all the time. And actually talking out loud for more than one minute tends to set off rounds of coughing. This does not inspire unsilence. But these are of course just things that enable my addiction to isolation. The core of why I don't get together with people or at least blog or e-mail still comes back to my own choice. I am not making good choices in this area. Maybe I should go to time-out. Ooh--my heart thrilled at that notion. Hmmm. Maybe I should go to time-in.
I am ever challenged and inspired in this pursuit of honestly and transparency and vulnerability by the Livesay (Haiti) Blog. Tara is amazing in her openness.
Brianna and I tried a detailed schedule yesterday. (Yes, I ordered "Managers of their Homes.") We got started late due to allergies and alarm clocks apparently turned off by cats, but we still did fairly well. We'll keep working on it.
I so wish Brianna did not have my type A personality, but she does. So we need to learn how to reduce and manage her perfectionism and stress.
Need to pause. My table at homeschool co-op has been co-opted by a bunch of boys with video games. They are not silent.
I am ever challenged and inspired in this pursuit of honestly and transparency and vulnerability by the Livesay (Haiti) Blog. Tara is amazing in her openness.
Brianna and I tried a detailed schedule yesterday. (Yes, I ordered "Managers of their Homes.") We got started late due to allergies and alarm clocks apparently turned off by cats, but we still did fairly well. We'll keep working on it.
I so wish Brianna did not have my type A personality, but she does. So we need to learn how to reduce and manage her perfectionism and stress.
Need to pause. My table at homeschool co-op has been co-opted by a bunch of boys with video games. They are not silent.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Already
Already the female struggle to express your own wants rather than simply being polite? At 18 months, really? It appears that we may have over-trained the politeness. When Em starts to kind of whine for something, we say, "Use your words!" She immediately smiles sweetly and both says and signs please. Her pronunciation sounds mostly like "beese." We say please what? What do you want? And she goes through the same angelic smile and double please. And this goes on for a while. I know, some of you are thinking, "Did it ever cross your mind that she might actually want BEES?" Well, yes, but she can't have 'em anyway, so if that's what she's saying, it's easier to just misunderstand.
She also goes ahead and says "tenkyoo" when she reaches for something that she hopes you'll give her. Very optimistic.
She also goes ahead and says "tenkyoo" when she reaches for something that she hopes you'll give her. Very optimistic.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
sick enough to stay silent
Some of our friends have labeled 2010 the year of sick. I think that fits our household too--we've already had swine flu, several bouts of stomach flu, several rounds of severe colds, asthma, and various injuries. Bri and I are making it to our weekly homeschool co-op about once every three weeks. Not cool.
And yet . . . so excited that our house church is adding a weekly evening of prayer and praise for Lent. I am so in need of just being in the midst of worship.
Em (18 months) is trying to tolerate my staying in bed more and thus leaving her in her crib longer. This morning, she began with a few whines and the sign for out. She gave up, sat down and looked at a book for a while, then stood again and clearly said, "I want out. Wake up." I said, "Look, you have a bagel and milk and books in your crib. You're fine. I have to rest more." A few more quiet minutes. Then she stood up,made eye contact, and said, "I wanna hug." Amazingly, I resisted, partly fatigue and partly that I don't want to train her to use her adorableness to manipulate. She settled in complainingly for a few more minutes before standing again and saying, "I poopy diapey." And I'm up.
With my incredibly short attention span this lent, most of what I really believe I want to read has gone unread. But I am loving the daily lent posts by Cheryl Lawrie on holdthisspace.org. Several have hit me right between the eyes, but with my theme, I thought I needed to quote this one:
silence
/ˈsaɪləns/
1. she escaped to the wilderness for silence: stillness, tranquility, noiselessness, peace
2. but there the gods kept silence: secretiveness, reticence, taciturnity, uncommunicativeness.
3. she was reduced to silence: speechlessness, wordlessness, dumbness, muteness.
----
Realizing with dismay that this year it feels easier to plan the easter egg hunt than to be present in Lent for this one day. Makes me feel like I am a stranger to myself.
Scratchy throat is annoying,even when i'm silent.
And yet . . . so excited that our house church is adding a weekly evening of prayer and praise for Lent. I am so in need of just being in the midst of worship.
Em (18 months) is trying to tolerate my staying in bed more and thus leaving her in her crib longer. This morning, she began with a few whines and the sign for out. She gave up, sat down and looked at a book for a while, then stood again and clearly said, "I want out. Wake up." I said, "Look, you have a bagel and milk and books in your crib. You're fine. I have to rest more." A few more quiet minutes. Then she stood up,made eye contact, and said, "I wanna hug." Amazingly, I resisted, partly fatigue and partly that I don't want to train her to use her adorableness to manipulate. She settled in complainingly for a few more minutes before standing again and saying, "I poopy diapey." And I'm up.
With my incredibly short attention span this lent, most of what I really believe I want to read has gone unread. But I am loving the daily lent posts by Cheryl Lawrie on holdthisspace.org. Several have hit me right between the eyes, but with my theme, I thought I needed to quote this one:
silence
/ˈsaɪləns/
1. she escaped to the wilderness for silence: stillness, tranquility, noiselessness, peace
2. but there the gods kept silence: secretiveness, reticence, taciturnity, uncommunicativeness.
3. she was reduced to silence: speechlessness, wordlessness, dumbness, muteness.
----
Realizing with dismay that this year it feels easier to plan the easter egg hunt than to be present in Lent for this one day. Makes me feel like I am a stranger to myself.
Scratchy throat is annoying,even when i'm silent.
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