And it goes on

So I gave up on getting a lot done yesterday since I really had to be able to show up to teach my classes last night and had to leave at 3 to catch the bus downtown. But I was highly cranky while I was at home. anyway, Paul took an earlier flight that was supposed to get in around 7 but due to thunderstorms actually got in closer to 11. I had planned for Andrea to pick Paul up at DFW then pick me up from work about 8:30 then all head home. So I waited a bit at El Centro, found out he was supposed to get in at 9:40, arranged for Andrea to come get me and take me back to DFW to get Paul, found out that Andrea was stuck at DFW because the car was on empty and he had no cash, called around a bit without locating a ride home, found out the flight was delayed again and figured El Centro would get locked up, lost my last change trying to get a get a drink out of a machine, walked in the rain to catch the bus and overpaid to take the bus ( no change!), was relieved that the rain had stopped for my walk home from the bus, and got home about ten minutes before Paul did. Gratefully, I walked into a living room that I was not sure was ours--Brian and Joel did some amazing cleaning in the living room and kitchen while I was gone. Brian overdid it and can barely move today though.:(
But PAUL IS HOME!!!!!
I still need to do floors and will jump into that soon. First, cute Em story of the day: I of course wanted to linger in bed and she did not want to linger in her crib this morning. She asked to get out. I changed her diaper and set her up with milk, bread and this cool creation book that has flannelboard like stuff to put the animals on inside. Fine for a while. then she stood up and said, "Done" in words and sign language. I explained, Oh, but see if you're finished reading that book, you can take all the stuff out of the cool pocket on the front and pput it back in again and take it back out again--that will be so much fun!" She looked at me for a minute, then looked down and lifted her shirt. She --still standing in her crib--started checking her pants for pockets and actually turned in a circle like a dog chasing its tail. Then she shook her head and said, "No ma'am. No pockets." She makes it really hard not to smile.

Managers of Their Catastrophes

Yes, Managers of Their catastrophes--That's the book Brianna and I want to see. Schedule thing blown for today. While we were at homeschool co-op yesterday--on schedule--the toilet at our house got clogged and flooded. The bathroom, the hall, the big girls' room, the kitchen--all apparently an inch or so deep. It only stopped there because Andrea happened to come in from the back and found it. With efforts from Andrea, Aimee, Mike, and Gary (and Paul via cellphone in South Carolina), water was turned off and lots of towels were put down and some stuff was lifted out of the water. Obviously there was a lot to do when we got home. First was trying to work through some of the emotional flooding that the event brought on for people who were around. And the repercussions thereof.(Brian managed to unclog the toilet around 10 last night, I managed to clog it again around 3 in the morning, he managed to unclog it again around 9 this morning . . . )
I got the bathroom floor mopped and really most of the bathroom scrubbed up and some ruined papers and magazines and such thrown out. Then I got the floor in the girls' room dried and mopped, all the dividing draperies they use piled into the huge mound of wet and dirty laundry, and helped Brianna go through all the stuff under her bed to see what was ruined. Thanks to her amazing organized underbed storage--(i know--Whose kid is she?)--very little was damaged. She just had to change out some containers and dry off others. All of the yarn for her knitting project got soaked and went to the trash though. Bummer. I put through about four loads of towels.
Then I was pretty much done in by a coughing spell and ate something and tried to rest for the night, not successfully of course. So today--mopping all the other floors and continuing to push laundry through. Although there is not a pathway evident for the water to have gone there, it also accumulated in the corner behind the piano where a lot of Henna's bedding and stuffed animals were. So moving the piano today too.
Did I mention that both little girls had multiple vaccinations yesterday and are thus--particularly Em--feverish and achy and cranky. Em would be better if I just sat and held her, but that's obviously not happening.
Don't even feel physically capable of walking through the house really--so tired.
So --manage that, somebody. Please.

Not easy

I really have been trying to not be silent, to blog, to have conversations, to communicate, but it has been a struggle. As someone said, "Darn. I should have just given up chocolate." :) My allergies have gone crazy the past ten days. I am up a lot during the night trying to either breathe or just stop the cough for a while, so I am fuzzy-brained all the time. And actually talking out loud for more than one minute tends to set off rounds of coughing. This does not inspire unsilence. But these are of course just things that enable my addiction to isolation. The core of why I don't get together with people or at least blog or e-mail still comes back to my own choice. I am not making good choices in this area. Maybe I should go to time-out. Ooh--my heart thrilled at that notion. Hmmm. Maybe I should go to time-in.
I am ever challenged and inspired in this pursuit of honestly and transparency and vulnerability by the Livesay (Haiti) Blog. Tara is amazing in her openness.
Brianna and I tried a detailed schedule yesterday. (Yes, I ordered "Managers of their Homes.") We got started late due to allergies and alarm clocks apparently turned off by cats, but we still did fairly well. We'll keep working on it.
I so wish Brianna did not have my type A personality, but she does. So we need to learn how to reduce and manage her perfectionism and stress.
Need to pause. My table at homeschool co-op has been co-opted by a bunch of boys with video games. They are not silent.

Already

Already the female struggle to express your own wants rather than simply being polite? At 18 months, really? It appears that we may have over-trained the politeness. When Em starts to kind of whine for something, we say, "Use your words!" She immediately smiles sweetly and both says and signs please. Her pronunciation sounds mostly like "beese." We say please what? What do you want? And she goes through the same angelic smile and double please. And this goes on for a while. I know, some of you are thinking, "Did it ever cross your mind that she might actually want BEES?" Well, yes, but she can't have 'em anyway, so if that's what she's saying, it's easier to just misunderstand.
She also goes ahead and says "tenkyoo" when she reaches for something that she hopes you'll give her. Very optimistic.

sick enough to stay silent

Some of our friends have labeled 2010 the year of sick. I think that fits our household too--we've already had swine flu, several bouts of stomach flu, several rounds of severe colds, asthma, and various injuries. Bri and I are making it to our weekly homeschool co-op about once every three weeks. Not cool.
And yet . . . so excited that our house church is adding a weekly evening of prayer and praise for Lent. I am so in need of just being in the midst of worship.

Em (18 months) is trying to tolerate my staying in bed more and thus leaving her in her crib longer. This morning, she began with a few whines and the sign for out. She gave up, sat down and looked at a book for a while, then stood again and clearly said, "I want out. Wake up." I said, "Look, you have a bagel and milk and books in your crib. You're fine. I have to rest more." A few more quiet minutes. Then she stood up,made eye contact, and said, "I wanna hug." Amazingly, I resisted, partly fatigue and partly that I don't want to train her to use her adorableness to manipulate. She settled in complainingly for a few more minutes before standing again and saying, "I poopy diapey." And I'm up.

With my incredibly short attention span this lent, most of what I really believe I want to read has gone unread. But I am loving the daily lent posts by Cheryl Lawrie on holdthisspace.org. Several have hit me right between the eyes, but with my theme, I thought I needed to quote this one:

silence
/ˈsaɪləns/
1. she escaped to the wilderness for silence: stillness, tranquility, noiselessness, peace
2. but there the gods kept silence: secretiveness, reticence, taciturnity, uncommunicativeness.
3. she was reduced to silence: speechlessness, wordlessness, dumbness, muteness.

----
Realizing with dismay that this year it feels easier to plan the easter egg hunt than to be present in Lent for this one day. Makes me feel like I am a stranger to myself.
Scratchy throat is annoying,even when i'm silent.

Subtract one animal, add one human

So Roxes, the dog that Joel saved from being torn to bits by another dog 10 days or so ago, took off a few days ago. We are hopeful that he has returned to the home we felt sure he had somewhere since he was such a great dog. A little less juggling now trying to keep unfixed boy dog roxes away from unfixed girl dog Lilly.
Last night, Andrea moved back in. he is a thirty-something singer/song-writer who has been at college for a while since he last lived with us. Paul did a great job of making a second separate room next to Joel's in the back room.

Spiritually, still don't feel like I'm making much headway out of the deadness. My prayers seem more like business memos to heaven. Except for a few. I am still able to pour out my heart for the people of Haiti and some particular missionary families there, and for my precious daughter Brianna.

Tiny baby steps still out of the silence.

Monday

Just so exhausted. fatigue and illness are definitely the enablers of isolation and silence. Rrr. Last night we got in from Treehouse around midnight. Treehouse is always a highlight of my month, but even it was dimmed a bit by my exhaustion yesterday. Still hung with cool people and heard great music and poetry.
Anyway, we unloaded and fell into bed. About which time Em, the 1-year-old, woke up, apparently with painful reflux or something else awful. As I was coming back from getting her medicine from the kitchen, I almost slipped on something wet and discovered a huge puddle of Lily pee in the hall, then look up to see Lily pooping in the hallway. (Fortunately, Lily is the dog, not a kid.) Then she goes to where her leash hangs and poops again. I know you want to blame us and have pity on her --except that Paul had just taken her out 15 minutes earlier! Began clean-up, went back to Em and realized there were no diapers in the house. You have got to be kidding me! Em finally starts to settle down and I walk out in the hall to check on Lily. There I find Brianna crying because Lily has totally torn up her bed and then peed on it too! So I got Bri settled on the sofa with a repentant Lily. We all apparently got some sleep because here we are in the middle of Monday. But not remotely meditative or able to think of personal growth. But I have blogged again. Baby stes. Oh yes, and the P on my keyboard doesn't seem to be working without extra pressure. Baby steps.