As we have been thinking and talking more about living in the power of the Holy Spirit, of course, the subject of spiritual gifts has come up. Looking back at some of our notes from year's ago, I am amazed by how easily we had skipped gifts of tongues and healing. :) While we feel confident now that there is no single set list of the gifts of the Spirit, I think the questionnaire-type evaluation can be helpful in some situations. Besides, I love filling out questionnaires. So I found one that had a very broad list and looked at it. I haven't actually completed it or submitted it, but I feel like I learned a lot through the process of answering the questions.
1.After 13 ½ years of marriage, it is sometimes hard to tell where Paul's gifts end and mine begin. There was one statement that I started to give myself a fairly high mark in until I realized with a start that our “ability” in that area is really Paul's. As for me alone, I had to score a zero. This discovery was actually not terribly disturbing since I am not me alone. Also, it rather confirms our idea that a marriage is like a micro-church. Since gifts are given for the eqquipping of the Body, it makes sense that we would individually bring to our marriage gifts that equip our joint ministry. Interesting.
2.Also, I recognized as I read various statements that my answer/score would be very different if the statement said , “I do....” instead of “I can ...” Hmmmm.
3.As I finally noted my own hesitance and second-guessing, I realized that I was still answering the quiz from a place of brokenness rather than health. I thought I had become a lot healthier spiritually over the past month, and I still think that's true. It was just a little disarming to realize that there is still so much brokenness that affects me and my thoughts so much. Interesting again. So, I'm not quite sure whether I'm supposed to beg for complete healing and get on with it having put the injuries behind me or whether the truth is that I have to speak from who I am now, carrying that injury rather than pretending I can have the same responses I would have a few years ago. Are the injured responses the ones that God could most effectively use now? Is the answer somewhere in between? Regardless, I feel grateful for the realization that I am not yet “all better”—I hate to walk around not knowing that I'm bleeding.